Scott Salem is the show's longtime engineer. His job consists of creating and editing soundbites and recordings for the show.

Scott is usually only heard from when things on the show go wrong, and Howard blames Scott. He is also mocked by the staff for his weight and his smoking habit. In 2002, he agreed to receive anal sex from porn actor Lexington Steele in exchange for $250,000, stating that it would be no different from what his employer had been doing to him for years. He eventually backed out. The Austin American-Statesman wrote that Scott is "always threatening to quit or on the verge of being fired, he's the show's whipping boy for technical problems".