eric the midget

 

Eric Lynch (born March 11, 1975), better known as Eric the Midget is a popular, albeit reluctant, member of The Howard Stern Show's Wack Pack. Lynch's small lungs often prevent him from completing a sentence without pausing to take a breath. Lynch suffers from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a disease of the connective tissue and states that he has outlived every doctor's life expectancy. Lynch is 3 ft 5 in (1.04 m) tall and weighs 85 lb (39 kg). He uses a motorized wheelchair to get around. A self-styled "expert" on American Idol, Lynch is known for his fandom of the show, specifically winners Kelly Clarkson, and Carrie Underwood, as well as runners-up Diana DeGarmo and Katharine McPhee. Lynch has repeatedly asked Howard Stern to use his influence to get him dates with Clarkson or Underwood, despite the fact that Stern has only a limited relationship with the show and its cast.

Stern helped Lynch land a guest starring role on one of his favorite television shows, American Dreams. Lynch was prodded on the Stern Show for expressing only limited gratitude for the favor at first. Because of the guest role, Lynch is known, by his own request, as "Eric the Actor," although he is rarely referred to as such. This is because he finds the word "midget" offensive to a "little person," equating it to referring to an African American as a "nigger." He was also for a brief time jokingly referred to as "Eric the Astronaut," because he is as much of an astronaut as he is an actor. Lynch has countered this nickname with "Eric the Idol Expert" as well as "Eric the Writer."

In 2007, Lynch was listed at #3 on Something Awful's Big Ten List of Little People, finishing ahead of such notable little persons as Verne Troyer and Jason Acuña.

Pre-Stern show and initial appearances

Lynch was born and raised in Rodeo, California. Lynch attended high school at John Swett High School, graduating in 1994. At the age of 31, Lynch moved to his own apartment in Sacramento, California with a roommate named Jon. Lynch initially called in on September 19, 2002 to discuss American Idol. Lynch had called to respond to Stern's statements that Kelly Clarkson was not overly attractive. Stern initially talked to Lynch with mild enthusiasm, but after an extended discussion regarding Lynch's unique voice and speaking style Lynch revealed that he was 3 ft 5 in (1.04 m) tall, which piqued Stern's interest and led to further discussion.

Memorable Stern Show moments

His own Sirius show and subsequent feud

After many back and forth negotiations, Lynch performed a tryout American Idol recap show on Sirius. The show aired on March 8, 2006 and featured Brian Dunkleman, a former co-host of American Idol as a guest. Dunkleman usurped control from Lynch early in the show and began acting as the show's host. Some highlights of the show included Richard Christy calling in and asking, "How big is your midget cock?", and a phony Leslie Moonves congratulating Lynch on a great show. Afterwards, Lynch expressed that he felt "set up" due to the quantity of negative calls put through to his show and blamed segment producer Will Murray for this and vowed to never call in to the Stern Show again. Stern and his fans were skeptical, however, because Lynch's final message was "Talk to you lat...GOODBYE".

On April 6, 2006 Howard Stern noted that Lynch had been sending emails to the show discussing American Idol, but Stern wouldn't read them on the air due to Lynch's self-imposed ban. Lynch was interviewed by the Howard 100 News during the Stern Show's April 2006 vacation and stated that he would only return to the show if Will Murray is fired.

Lynch called in to the Stern Show on May 10, 2006 to make a plea to be included on the show without being called a "midget", having his voice made fun of, or being associated with the Wack Pack. Lynch no longer demanded that Murray be fired, as Murray had since apologized to him. Lynch also asked to be a West Coast correspondent for Howard 100 News. Stern deduced that the real reason for the call was to get tickets to the American Idol finale and teased Lynch by suggesting that Gary the Retard should cover the event instead, as he is a real "Wack Packer".

In May 2006, Lynch began calling the show with increasing frequency, despite none of his demands being met. It was during this time that Lynch coined his trademark sign off of "Bye for now", which is greeted with chuckles from the Stern staff at the end of each phone call. During that same period, Lynch called the show to turn down an offer from adult film star Tabitha Stevens to have sex with her.

Lynch's inches, Wackipedia, and Katharine McPhee

On May 22, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and measured his penis in exchange for American Idol contestant Katharine McPhee's phone number. Lynch claimed to measure at just over five inches, and was given McPhee's phone number off air. Lynch was also insulted by "Derek the Midget" voiced by Howard 100 News Staffer Shuli, as well as a frequently played bit by Sal and Richard featuring a fanciful sexual encounter between Lynch and Tabitha Stevens.

McPhee reportedly hates the Stern show now because Lynch had called her too many times, according to Howard Stern, who told Lynch this news during the January 31, 2007, show. (Lynch claimed he only called her three times.)

As a result, McPhee refused to record a message for either the Stern show or Lynch when she visited Sirius headquarters on January 30, 2007, according to Howard 100 News.

On June 5, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and complained that his parents had read about him measuring his penis on Wikipedia (which he called "Wackipedia") in the article on The Wack Pack. Stern read a paragraph of the article, regarding penis measuring, verbatim on the air. Also, Stern Show producer Gary Dell'Abate commented on the air he and the Stern Show staff enjoy the picture of Lynch in the article. Flustered, Lynch refused to perform any strange tasks to meet Katharine McPhee, including urinating or defecating in a diaper, inserting a ruler or a Sirius satellite receiver into his rectum, submitting to a proctological exam, wearing Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf's old bunny outfit, being vomited on by Richard Christy, being flushed down a toilet, being sent in the mail or holding seven-hundred and fifty helium balloons to see if he would fly (via cluster ballooning).

Balloon stunt

On June 6, 2006, Lynch agreed to sit in a lawn chair while he was lifted up by balloons. Stern told Lynch that either he attach the balloons to his body (not a chair) or he would not be able to meet Katharine McPhee. Stern then noted that perhaps Lynch would be hit by lightning, which could result in the merging of Lynch and the balloon, creating a new superhero, Balloon!

On the next day, Lynch backed out due to new bits being played about him which he found insulting, including a song parody, "Fly Me with Balloons" (to the tune of "Fly Me to the Moon", sung by Sal The Stockbroker with a digital "midget" voice effect) and a prank phone call using recordings of Lynch's voice to a balloon shop. When Stern said one of the bits was great, Lynch responded, "That was not great you big-nosed retard!"

Lynch continued to call in and was put on the air regularly after that particular feud fizzled out in May 2006. On June 7, 2006, Stern commented that Lynch might be the "King of the Wack Pack".

On June 7, 2006, Howard Stern played a voice mail message on the air indicating that Lynch is "at war" (see His own Sirius show and subsequent feud above) with Stern yet again, due to the constant mockery he had endured on the air recently. Lynch threatened to call Katharine McPhee to warn her not to do the Stern Show. Stern expressed his belief that Lynch will be back and will perform the balloon stunt.

After not calling in for perhaps a handful of days during one of his feuds, Lynch began calling several shows on Howard 100 and Howard 101. In the week beginning with June 18, 2006, Lynch called The Intern Show, Superfan Roundtable and The Friday Show in addition to the Stern Show. He had expressed concern over whether the Little People of America would accept him if he was to perform the "balloon stunt" or a similar stunt. On June 26, 2006 Lynch called the Stern Show, angered by Stern's calm assurance that Lynch would perform the stunt.

On May 14, 2007, when Jimmy Kimmel was a guest on the Stern show, he told Eric he could get him in to the American Idol finale, if Eric would do the balloon stunt on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Eric agreed to the deal, but some of the Stern show cast seemed skeptical, and didn't trust him. The following Tuesday it was announced Eric had emailed Jimmy Kimmel Live saying he was unable to follow through with this promise because his handler could not get off work. It was speculated he was afraid to fly with balloons and caused many to want Eric banned from the show, and even from listening to Sirius by canceling his subscription.

Eric leaving the Stern Show

On June 26, 2007, Eric wrote a letter to Howard Stern detailing reasons why he will never call into the show again. His main topic of offense was Howard's "mockery" of the Chris Benoit murder-suicide. Eric took this as highly offensive and vowed never to ever call the Howard Stern Show again. In reaction to this, Howard then banned Eric forever from calling in to either of Howard's Sirius channels. In a MySpace blog entry Eric vowed to continue to stay in the public eye by posting blogs to myspace and videos on Youtube.com instead of calling in to the show.

On July 2, 2007, Howard 100 news reporter Shuli revealed that Lynch broke his promise to refrain from calling the show and contacted the news department in regards to a photograph of him posted on Shuli's MySpace account. Lynch was outraged at that fact that the picture was made public (and his picture on Wikipedia) and that Stern Fan Network members were manipulating it using Adobe Photoshop.

On August 15th, 2007, Eric announced via a MySpace blog post that he would return to show business the following week by calling into another Sirius channel. It was later revealed the channel was Playboy Radio.

Return

On September 11, 2007, Eric, by way of Johnny Fratto, once again contacted the Stern show. Eric used Fratto's answering machine to leave a message threatening that Stern would be in "hot water" if he didn't refrain from interfering with either Eric's personal or business affairs. This rant was brought on by Howard 100 News correspondent Steve Langford, who uncovered phone calls that Eric had been making to the mother of American Idol runner up Diana DeGarmo. To clear things up Johnny Fratto got Eric on the phone via conference calling, and Eric explained that he had been calling Mrs. DeGarmo "no more than twice a day" in hopes of being able to meet her daughter. Eric denied that his call through Fratto counted as calling into the show.

Eric the Writer

On September 12, 2007, Howard opened the show noting with Eric on the line. Eric stated he was working on a screenplay (which he wanted to get made so he can cast Diana DeGarmo in it and meet her), as well as a children's book about a pug dog helping his master meet the girl of his dreams. The book is currently called "Dougie The Puggie's Holiday Adventure."

On October 24th, 2007, Eric the Midget called into the show to read an excerpt from his children's book called "Dougie the Puggie's Holiday Adventure. Earlier in the week, Eric told the show that he would not read from the book because the cast of the show did not deserve to hear it. Over the course of the week, Eric rethought his position and decided not to punish the audience because of the actions of a few. Eric read the passage in his famed breathy croaky voice. In subsequent conversations it was learned that the basic premise of the book is that Dougie the Puggie helps his owner meet and marry American Idol contestant Diana Degarmo. It was pointed out to Eric that this was the first children's book was ever written that dealt with topics such as stalking.

After reading "Dougie the Puggie's Holiday Adventure", Lynch admitted to the staff that he has been working on a screenplay for himself, as well as his long time crush, Dianna DeGarmo. Stern has offered to produce one of Eric's screenplay, only if Eric will be starring. Originally offered by Howard to write an "Ocean's Eleven-type action movie", Lynch rebuffed this saying he'd rather do a "Charlie's Angels" type movie and that he is only doing this so he can get into both the WGA and SAG.

On December 6, 2007, Eric called once again (while broadcasting on Stickam) to comment on the script he sent to the show. Howard and the crew laughed at Eric's script Eric's Angels because it was a rehash of Charlie's Angels. Howard said he would not produce it because of plagiarism.

Eric's "girlfriend"

In January 2008 Eric was claiming that he had met a girl named Kendra online through Johnny Fratto, and despite never meeting in person, she was his girlfriend. Kendra is a softcore web cam model with her own paysite. Howard thought that Kendra was just using Eric to promote her site, and tried to get Kendra to call in, but Eric boasted that she would never call in to the show. After a week of continuing to boast that she would never call in, the show got Kendra on the phone. When asked whether she was really Eric's girlfriend she simply said that she's a girl and she is his friend, Eric is a boy and he's her friend.

When the call was over, Stern and the crew then taunted Eric since Eric said there was "no chance in hell" that she would be on the show. Despite being bested, Eric refused to admit that she had been on the show and Howard compared him to a Holocaust denier.

Langford Unleashed

As of February 15, 2008, Steve Langford, of Howard 100 News, began a series of investigative reports on a figure known only as "Paul," who claims to be a former associate of Johnny Fratto. In the first report, Paul claimed to be a co-conspirator, of sorts, in what he described as a "sham" to dupe Eric into believing that Kendra was in fact Eric's girlfriend. Paul claimed to have been emailed, text-messaged, and called by Kendra who expressed her discomfort with the fake relationship; Paul was encouraged by Fratto to ensure Kendra would continue to play along.

In a conference telephone call on the Howard Stern Show on February 25, 2008 with all of the parties, Howard Stern, Jimmy Kimmel, Eric the Midget, Kendra, Johnny Fratto, Steve Langford and others, Eric the Midget stated that the relationship with Kendra was not fake, but he has decided he wanted to "play the field", after a stripper made advances to him, which he acknowledged aroused him. Eric told Kendra that he was interested in seeing other women, and that their relationship was "over". Artie Lange then offered to go out with Kendra.

However, on February 26, 2008 Eric called back to say he hadn't really broken up with Kendra and that the events of the 25th were “faked” to get the show “off her back.” Howard said Eric should change his name to “Eric the Liar,” but Eric insisted he hadn't been lying – he was “acting.”

This article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. It uses material from the Eric the Midget Wikipedia Article.

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